Bigger, Bolder, and Somehow Still Thirstier Than Your Ex
Because Sometimes, You Just Need to Haul an Entire Soccer Team (And Their Egos). Let’s be real: The 2025 Chevy Suburban isn’t for people who think about gas prices. It’s for people who see a 6.2L V8 and go, “Yeah, that’ll do.” This isn’t just an SUV—it’s a statement, a lifestyle, and possibly a small mortgage. But damn if it isn’t good at what it does.
So, is the new Suburban still the king of oversized American excess? Let’s dive in.
The Powertrain: Pick Your Poison (But Mostly Gas)
Chevy’s like, “Hybrids? Never heard of ‘em.” Here’s what’s under the hood:
✅ 5.3L V8 (355 hp) – For when you want to pretend to care about efficiency.
✅ 6.2L V8 (420 hp) – For when you definitely don’t.
✅ 3.0L Duramax Diesel (277 hp, 460 lb-ft) – For the one person who tows a yacht.
MPG? LOL. Expect 15 city / 19 highway (if you drive like a grandma).
The Space: It’s Basically a Studio Apartment
The Suburban’s third row isn’t for people—it’s for entire bloodlines.
🔥 144.7 cubic feet of cargo space (fold the seats, and you could live in here).
🔥 12.6-inch touchscreen (because your passengers need movies to ignore you).
🔥 Power-folding third row (no more wrestling with seats like a caveman).
Bonus: The Max Trailering Package lets you tow up to 8,300 lbs—perfect for your impractical boat.
The Tech: Fancy Enough to Distract You From Gas Prices
Chevy finally remembered it’s 2025, not 2005:
✔ Super Cruise (hands-free driving, so you can text and still take up two parking spots).
✔ Google Built-In (because who needs CarPlay when you have Google Maps?).
✔ 17-speaker AKG sound system (to drown out your kids’ screaming).
Still no rear seatbelt airbags (looking at you, Escalade), but hey, priorities.
The Drive: Surprisingly Not Like a School Bus
For something that weighs as much as a moon landing, it’s shockingly competent:
✅ Magnetic Ride Control (so you don’t feel every pothole).
✅ Air Ride Adaptive Suspension (lowers at highway speeds for slightly better MPG).
✅ Quiet interior (because nothing says luxury like not hearing your own engine).
Still, parking this thing requires a spotter, a prayer, and maybe a permit.
The Catch? (Oh, There’s Always One)
We love it, but let’s be real:
❌ Gas mileage? You’ll be best friends with your local Exxon.
❌ Starting at $58,000 (and that’s before you add literally any options).
❌ Good luck fitting in a parking garage (hope you like rooftop spots).
Should You Buy One?
If you need maximum space with minimum apologies, the 2025 Chevy Suburban is it.
Buy it if:
✔ You regularly transport small armies.
✔ You think “fuel efficiency” is a government conspiracy.
✔ You want to intimidate Prius drivers at stoplights.
Skip it if:
✖ You care about the environment (or your wallet).
✖ You live in a city with normal-sized parking spaces.
✖ You don’t have a trust fund for gas money.
Final Verdict: The Ultimate American Excess Machine
The 2025 Chevy Suburban isn’t just an SUV—it’s a cultural icon. It’s big, it’s thirsty, and it doesn’t give a damn what you think.
Is it practical? No.
Is it awesome? Absolutely.